Many people ask what is the age range for the club. We have had
participants and members of all ages, from mid-twenties to mid-seventies.
Primarily, however, we are a middle-aged group, with average age
of about 35-45. It depends to a large extent on the particular
activity. Generally, the more adventurous athletic and outdoor
type events, such as volleyball, skiing, hiking, and tubing, draw a younger
crowd, and less strenuous things such as dinners and house parties
are attended by an older group. But this is a generalization:
there are still people of all ages at all events.
We openly welcome, and encourage, participation by a diverse mix
of people from all races, religions, nationalities, and walks
of life. However, we tend to be primarily a white, middle-class,
semi-professional group.
Sometimes people ask this question, and most of them seem to differentiate
between those who have never been married, and those who are separated,
divorced, or widowed. Actually, we do not keep data on that information,
but my observation is that, among the regular members, probably
20% of the men have never been married, whereas perhaps only 15%
of the women are in that category.
Our guidelines are merely that one should be compatible with the
group. With that in mind, married people or committed couples
may participate in appropriate activities, but we do request that
people do not misrepresent themselves. In other words, people
who come to our events usually are looking to meet someone for
an eventual relationship, so they would be very discouraged to
find, after an extended conversation, that the object of their
interest is "unavailable". On the other hand, the main
purpose of our events is to provide an interesting activity and
a chance to meet new people, and I feel it is good to have friends
who may be married as well as single.
Of course, I cannot answer this with total certainty, since I
don't know how you interact with others. However, be assured that
most activities, especially those that have been advertised in
local papers or other public media, are attended by a large proportion
of newcomers. On a recent hike with ten people, for instance,
more than half were new to the club. We also try to make newcomers
feel welcome, and you are encouraged to talk to the activity leader
if you feel uncomfortable for any reason. We will try to introduce
you to some people we know, or answer any questions you may have.
Many people have been involved with other singles clubs that hold
dances as their primary activity. We do have dances occasionally,
about three or four times a year, but we try to provide an alternative
to that venue. Some people have described their experience at
dances as being like a "meet market", where you must
compete with others for attention, often based on superficial
qualities such as physical appearance or smooth talking. I have
also witnessed much more "predatory" behavior at dances,
where people (primarily guys) scope out the dance, waiting for
"good looking" women to come in, and only then commit
to paying the price of admission. I don't know exactly how they
operate when they circulate among the crowd, but I imagine their
behavior is similar to that which most people disdain and try
to avoid as the "bar scene". To minimize this phenomenon,
we try to make our dances more of a singles party with an opportunity
to dance, and perhaps add some alternate activities such as dance
contests and places to talk away from the loud music.
One must remember that this is a singles club with essentially
"open" membership, but is primarily designed for the single
professional. We do not deny membership for any reason, unless it
is well known that someone has caused serious
problems and is likely to do so again. So far, this has not been
a real issue. However, it is also to be noted that an organization
that has as its main emphasis the fact of being single, is also
likely to attract those who have "nowhere else to go".
People who are single come in many varieties. Quite a few are
quite happy in their lifestyle, but most of these, probably, are
very often involved in long-term relationships, so you rarely
see them. Some people are lacking in certain social skills, so
they have a difficult time meeting and becoming involved with
other people. Others may not really be looking for a relationship,
but simply want to enjoy pleasant activities and social interaction.
People who are recently divorced, separated, or widowed often
have emotional problems of various degrees of severity, and may
either be disinterested in new relationships, or overly anxious
to get back into one. And there are those single professionals who just
don't seem to find the time or the place to meet other "quality"
singles. The single professional is the typical member in this group.
We want to attract as many well-adjusted singles as possible, and
we also hope to be able to provide some help and hope to those
who have difficulty in the single life. We encourage our members
to be as open-minded and generous as possible, and to concentrate
on enjoying each activity and perhaps be friendly to those who
may seem troubled or uncomfortable. Each activity has a large
number of new people, and it is worthwhile to attend quite a few
in order to maximize your chances of meeting someone who may be
a potential "significant other". In the meantime, enjoy
the activity, and try to "spread your sunshine" to others
who may be in need.
Quite simply, no. We encourage membership, but all activities
are open to non-members invited by current members.
At most events, we offer a generous discount to members.
Many singles clubs have regular meetings, with much of the membership
in attendance, but we do not. We have tried to hold planned meetings,
but they were poorly attended and usually did not produce a very
complete calendar. Now, we have monthly newsletters to get the information to our members.
This is the question I am most happy to answer. There are any
number of things that can be done to make this organization better, and
there is a lot of work that almost anyone can do. Some of our events are
"member-driven", in that events are sponsored by individual
members. Mostly, we need people to sponsor events, particularly things
like house parties, which attract a large number of singles, and
are comfortable for most people. The most difficult problem for
the club is finding people with houses that are suitable for parties,
and who are willing to have one or two parties a year. We can
also use sponsors for simple events such as dinners, movie nights,
and attending cultural events such as the many free concerts and
community festivals. Basically, if you think other single people
would enjoy it, almost anything would be appropriate.
