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Keeping Valentine's Day year-round
Eastside business Matchmaker specializes in finding 'finds' and catching 'catches'
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Matchmakers' owner, Martha Rivero, explains the importance of filling out forms to a client. |
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By Jim Braden
"Love me the way I love you, that's all I ask of you."
- Jerry Vale
The reason for celebrating Valentine's Day is mostly hope -- the romantic or whimsical hope that somewhere out there is a special woman or man who can provide most of the companionship one needs.
Certainly the topic is on the minds of songwriters, poets and artists of all kinds, all the way from the deep feelings of young love voiced in Puccini's famed opera "La Boheme" to a Tony Bennett song, to the achy-breaky hearts of country music. The yearning for companionship, respect and love can be a common commodity -- and like many things, on-time delivery can be a problem.
Jerry Bock and Sheldon Harnick understood this, as they showed so well in their musical "Fiddler on the Roof" and their song, "Matchmaker."
And Martha Rivero understands what it means to "make a match" as well. In fact, it's her business to know, as it has been during the past 10 years.
Made to order
As the owner and matchmaker behind Eastside El Paso's Matchmakers/Executive Singles agency, Rivero works to make every day Valentine's Day for some 150 clients.
"We actually started out in 1982 as a video dating service because there weren't many in El Paso," she says. But the business has changed during those years, primarily because so many of her clients are busy people, dedicated to their careers.
"They don't have time to come in here and look at a video, so they'd rather pay me my fee, have me service their account, and provide them with a match the best way I can," Rivero says. That includes matchmaking, group parties and trips to Ruidoso, N.M., and other romantic destinations.
Service the account? Is it really that clinical? Whatever happened to romance?
"When people come in here, they already have an idea of the kind of person they want," she says. "They want quality people, someone who's going to be 'good for me.' Everybody knows what they're attracted to, what they're looking for. What we do is add to the romance, because they know the person they're going to meet has been checked out by us matched to their likes and dislikes."
And is, for the most part, who they say they are.
Back to the dating scene
Irene Morales, a call center supervisor, said she's been a member client of Matchmakers/Executive Singles for about two years.
"I think when you think of matchmakers that you automatically think you're going to find your match," Morales says. "It's not really all about that. It's about the friends you make. They're all single, it's a safe environment. That's how I look at it. I've met a lot of wonderful friends there."
Morales says she had been married for 16 years.
"Getting back out there into the dating scene was not challenging or discouraging. It's really been fun meeting other people in the same situation I'm in. It's not like going to a pickup bar. That's not the way it feels when I go these events."
Executive singles
Rivero says certain attributes characterize both her male and female clients. They're generally non-smokers, physically fit and professionals at what they do. Many of her clients work in the twin-plant industry.
Rivero says experience has taught her that the Mexican women have many of the home values that men are looking for.
"They are also very self-motivated and will make a business out of anything you can think of."
She says the comfort of El Paso as home can sometimes be a problem when one partner changes high-paying jobs and locations. Sometimes the families are a problem, because the partner doesn't want to leave the family in El Paso.
Distance is also a funny factor. "When I call you up and say, 'I've got someone I want you to meet,' what's the first question? 'What side of town does he/she live on?"
Looking for love
Working men and women have a lot in common.
"The women are as career-oriented as the men. The women are tired of the nightclub scene," she says. "Some have been married, but most haven't. All of them are educated and successful in their work, and both the men and women make really good money."
Matchmaker/Executive Singles charges $400 for an annual membership, plus additional fees for trips and special events. "For those who can't afford that, I always ask an applicant's religion because there are a number of El Paso church groups for singles."
Fill out the form, please
Rivero's clients ages range from 32 to 45 years.
Her firm's questionnaire seeks information on work, hobbies, religion and other preferences. The membership process is augmented by personal interviews and background checks. Matchmakers/Executive Singles accepts applications from single adults only -- and applicants looking for same-sex partners should go elsewhere.
Rivero's business specializes in finding good women for good men, and vice-versa.
"It's a constant circle here," she says. "We have people from everywhere: El Paso, Las Cruces, Juarez, Chihuahua. Last year we had about 12 couples get married."
Surf City, here we come
If you're a guy, it's better than Jan and Dean's dream. Rivero's New Year's and Christmas events have about five women for every man. Rivero says her female clients far outnumber the males. But in New Mexico, she says, the odds are reversed.
"Past the age of 35, people are so settled in their ways. It's so hard for relationships to work. Sometimes people set impossible goals for themselves. They're expectations are ridiculous."
Three types of personalities make up Rivero's client list:
* Those whose expectations are way too high;
* Those who have no expectations because their self-esteem is so low that they are grateful for the attention and will settle for anyone;
* The person who knows what he or she wants, has a good head on his/her shoulders, and yet has high expectations.
But time is a key factor.
"I actually coach people," Rivero says, laughing. "I call them up and say, 'Did you call her?' to remind them not to get too busy for a relationship. And when you leave my event, you've met at least five people. What makes it so nice is that, all of sudden, you see someone, or you catch someone's eye."
21st-century courting
Chivalry isn't dead, but sometimes it's in a coma.
"Courtship has changed," says Rivero. "It's is not there like it used to be. You have people going 'dutch' -- meaning that each pays for their own meals or tickets -- on the first date. People date so much now that they feel, 'Hey, I'm spending all this money, and if things don't work out...' and that's the norm now. It's accepted. I have one guy who's a member that makes me tell the women that on the first date, they pay for their own meals or tickets."
Another bad omen is matchmaking between two individuals in the same or complementary businesses -- say a seller looking for a customer or two in the same profession.
"It doesn't work out because they start talking shop, and then it gets to where, 'Are you dating me just because of the business relationship?' " Rivero says. "What will work is the doctor and the plant manager. Opposites attract. It's because we're so different that we have so much to share. That is really, really the truth."
Personal likes and dislikes can be barriers, too.
"Believe it or not, pets are very important. I know one guy who broke his marriage engagement because his cat didn't like her. His cat was more important to him," she says.
But sometimes magic happens.
Rivero cites one particularly memorable couple who got married after a trip to Ruidoso. "I knew she didn't like him because he's real shy, and she's very outgoing. But after she rode in his car for the trip - and got a look at his music on compact discs, liked the music and got to know him in Ruidoso."
Getting serious
Rivero's system provides for those members who begin to get serious in their relationships.
"We put your membership on hold; if it doesn't work out you can come back into the system. It's kind of like when you buy a new pair of slacks," she advises. "They're nice - but you want to see how they look with other clothes," she says, laughing again.
Sometimes people get the idea that dating services are for losers. Not true, Rivero says.
"Dating services are for winners because professionals know how to handle themselves; good hygiene, good education.
"The clients have taught me a lot," she says. "I get real excited when we get a new member because I really love what I do for a living, and we've got a really good organization. We're like that television show 'Friends.' Our people become good friends, even if they're not dating each other."
www.singleselpaso.com
Showing your affection can come in a myriad of ways...here are some good ones
by Clark Humphrey
There are lots of ways to let that special person know just how deeply you feel. Here are some offered from around the Net.
From Love Knows No Reason:
* Wash the car together.
* Have a tickle fight.
* Sing children's songs together.
* Brush each other's hair.
* Keep cards, letters and relationship mementos.
From Cupid's Toolbox:
* Take an old shoebox. Put your loved one's favorite candy and love poems inside, and cover it all with rose peddles. Cover it with his/her favorite cartoons or pictures of you two together.
* On a large piece of poster board, copy down a love poem or letter to your sweet. Then cut it into large puzzle pieces. Send your honey a letter every week, and include one puzzle piece with each letter. He will be checking the mailbox daily.
* Bring your partner to a romantic place where only the you two go. Bring a sleeping bag and watch the sun rise. Spend a few hours together communicating without words... let your eyes and body communicate your thoughts and feelings for you.
From Don Juan:
* Leave little notes around the house for him/her to find throughout the day. Spell out "I Love You" in glow-in-the-dark stars upon her bedroom ceiling.
From Romantic Essentials:
* Bake a heart cake--one layer in a square pan and the other in a round pan. Cut the round one in half, place the two halves on two different sides of the square layer, and you have created a heart. Frost and decorate as desired.
* Put a red rose on her pillow where she'll see it when she goes to bed or first thing in the morning.
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